Monday, April 30, 2012

down by the beach.

this weekend was absolutely gorgeous is southern california.

it was a perfect.

“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.”

--Isak Dinesen 

xo

Friday, April 27, 2012

faces.

if you know me, in real life, you know that i am overly-animated 90% of the time.
people point it out, all the time, and it's kinda embarrassing.
i say more than enough with just facial expressions and hand gestures.
it's how i am...i can't help it.
seeing video or pictures of myself being animated always makes me shutter.
so embarrassing.

it seems that our little miss has picked up on this

and mimics the faces and gestures i make.

she finds a new face she likes to make and will do it non-stop for a few days, then drop it.
during those few days you can get her to do it on command by simply making the face...

this is her latest.
it's accompanied by heaving breathing.

so funny.

kids are so funny.

but, i realize i need to edit myself...

she picks up on so much that it's making me a bit self-conscious.

do i really want her to copy certain, weird things i do?

yikes.

xo

Thursday, April 26, 2012

first steps.

remember a couple of days ago when i said i wouldn't mind if maja waited a bit more to walk?
well, yesterday, she decided it was time.

she took two steps in a row, and was extremely proud of herself.
i was in shock.
i screamed. loud.

i mean, this takes the whole "baby" thing to a completely different level.
this means she's now a toddler.
woah.

i'll admit, i'm pretty excited for her to walk.
i have visions of us walking around, holding hands and it makes my heart flutter.
yay!

xo

Monday, April 23, 2012

thirteen months.

thirteen months.

i have to say, each month gets better and better.
more and more fun.

over the past couple of days i'm confident to say that her "mama" and "dada" sounds
are now directed towards us and are purposeful.

heart. melt.

she's not independently walking, yet.
we get asked every.single.day. if she's walking.
she's cruising along everything.
but, i'm okay if she waits a bit longer to fully walk,
i'm just finally getting used to crawling.
ha.

she's so independent and happy.

love, love, love her.

xo

Friday, April 20, 2012

everything, in time.

it seems like every question or concern i've asked our pediatrician, her answer is always "in time"...
and finally after nearly thirteen months, i get it.

 when she was colicy she said that, magically, one day she'd just grow out of it.
and she did.

i was worried about her lack of interest in solids, she said one day it would just click.
and it did.

i once worried about how maja would only fall asleep while nursing.
she assured me that one day she wouldn't need me to fall asleep,
and that i should enjoy the time before it ends.
and i did.
and now, she no longer needs me to fall asleep.

i came home to my two loves peacefully sleeping like this.
while this gives me so much joy to see,
it does kind of make me sad.

in time she has grown to no longer need me for comfort.
sure, she often wants me for comfort.
but she's growing and maturing...

lately, when we lay down for bed, she'll nurse then push me away and turn her back to fall asleep.
i lay there, lonely, longing for the cuddly baby who used to need me to feel secure and comfortable.

everything, in time, changes.
quickly.

these sad feelings i have are overshadowed by the joy Ivo feels...
he has dreamed of his daughter curling up and falling asleep on him,
and was a little envious that she would always sleep on me.

my baby girl is growing and all  i can do is cling to the memories of the super-needy baby.

it's amazing how naturally everything, in time, fixes itself.
babies are amazing.

this teaches me that things really don't need to be "worked on".
they organically remedy themselves...
everything is constantly evolving.

it's beautiful.

xo

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

istraživanje.

istraživanje: exploration.

ex·plo·ra·tion/ˌekspləˈrāSHən/

Noun:

The action of traveling in or through an unfamiliar area in order to learn about it

source

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CROATIA
the beautiful country where ivo's parents were born and raised.
the country where they spend the better part of each year living.
the country ivo has spent many, many summers in.
the country where we hope to begin a new adventure.

ivo has always voiced his love for croatia and how he wished he could move there and make a living.
he never really believed it was possible, especially since he didn't marry a croatian.
(his parents' dream for him. ha!)

we've both had an itch to change the way we're living.
a couple of years ago we hatched a five year plan to move to oregon.
we've been growing tired of los angeles, and would like to raise our children in a different environment.
we hoped to start fresh, with some land, and a promise at a better life for our family.

a couple of weeks ago, as mentioned here, we both voiced our huge dream of going to croatia.

since then, we can't stop thinking, dreaming, and talking about it.

ivo has far more reservations about it than i do.
we would be leaving the security of a guaranteed salary, great medical benefits, and a future pension.
that's very scary for him.

for me, the only apprehension i have is leaving my family.
i see my mom every.single.day.
she's my best friend and the thought of not seeing her makes my stomach hurt.
but, how can i deny my family this experience?
sure, i would be going to a country that i've never been to and am unable to speak the language,
a country without any of my own family or friends.
but, that's kind of the experience i long for.
the adventure of starting over.
immersing in a different culture.
exploring.

and, if we go there and decide it's not for us we can come home.
yes, we would have to start over.
but, that's okay.
people do it all the time.
i don't feel that we have anything concrete keeping us here.
we rent our house, have no car payments, or really any other bills besides living expenses.

i want to sell everything and start fresh.
reboot.
live simply.

source

source

source

source

source

sure, this all makes my stomach flip.
the unknown is scary.
 but, i'd hate for us not to go and always regret it.

we've made a pros and cons list,
and so far the pros far outweigh the cons, for me.
 we're leaving the list in our closet, and anytime we think of something we'll add to it.

fingers crossed.

i'll keep updating...



xo

Monday, April 16, 2012

maja's first concert.

last night i brought maja to her first ever concert,

zac brown band.

admittedly, i'm not the biggest country music fan.

my mom and sister are huge ZBB fans and when we found out they'd be in our area

we thought it would be a fun concert to go to.

i still get anxiety at the thought of being without maja for hours at a time,

so i looked into bringing her with us and it sounded like a good idea.

i packed extra warm clothes for her and bought noise-canceling headphones.

we got there a couple hours late, which ended up being a blessing because we missed

the hoards of crowds finding their seats.

the moment we got out of the car and i put maja into the ergo, she fell sound asleep.

at one point while finding our seats we were stuck in a narrow passage way with a large crowd of people trying to find their seats.

people we pushing and i started to get panicky,

suddenly terrible thoughts of getting trampled or pushed down started to flood my mind.

i felt like the worst mom, ever.

how could i bring her here?

we finally found our seats, safely, but it took me a good hour to calm down.

my mom made me feel so much better, she pointed out at how warm and cozy maja was.

she wasn't in danger, she was happily sleeping in her mother's arms.

she assured me that once the concert was over, we'd remain in our seats until the crowds left.

that made me feel so much better and i was able to fully enjoy the show.

and, boy was it good.

they were amazing.

AND!! they played my most favorite song of all time...

"into the mystic" by van morrison.

while nothing will ever top the original, they did to proud.

i am officially a full-blown ZBB fan.

sorry for the TERRIBLE iphone picture.

after the show we waited for everyone to exit, then we made our way to the merchandise.

one of the band members, Coy Bowles, wrote a children's book called Amy Giggles.

he signed maja's copy and posed for a picture with my snoozing babe and me.

 

all in all it was a pretty good experience.

though, i will not be taking her to any concerts for a very long time.

it just wasn't the place for her.

she slept the ENTIRE show and the whole way home.

 

 plus, all of the dirty looks and people saying rude things about bringing a baby to a concert

made me want to knock someone out.

which, is no bueno. 

ha.

my opinion: no babies at large concerts.

maybe a music festival with large spaces to roam. 

thank goodness for noise-canceling headphones!! 

xo

 

 

Friday, April 13, 2012

make it rain.

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

fun.

she's so much fun.

i'm so happy.

 

xo

Monday, April 9, 2012

dreaming big.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

who would have known that ivo and i were both secretly dreaming of a huge change in our lives. 

and both afraid to voice it... 

then last night we both, almost at the same time, voiced our dreams. 

we were in sync. 

so, just like that we've decided to partake in a huge adventure.

the thought of it makes me want to throw up and cry, 

but also makes me giddy with the excitement and possibilities.

a year from now our adventure will begin.

we're going to explore, dream, and discover.

i'm sorry i'm being so vague,

i will definitely go into more detail in the near future.

xo

Saturday, April 7, 2012

splish splash.

there's just something about a baby during bath time...

xo

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

capturing the moments.

BM (before maja) ivo HATED strongly disliked

 anytime i took my camera out to capture the moments.

he always felt that i wasn't enjoying the moments, 

and was more focused on the pictures.

i could totally see where he was coming from

and kind of agreed.

so, i stopped bringing my camera.

it was freeing. 

i was present.

consequently, we have almost no pictures for a couple of years.

since maja, i've thrown in the towel and feel that bringing my camera is incredibly important.

surprisingly, ivo agrees!

we've continued to leave the camera out, around the house, and i bring it in the diaper bag wherever we go.

we both try to be unobtrusive, while taking pictures,  quickly snap the moment, and put the camera away.

i'm so pleased with what we've captured.

here are a few recent gems...

(picture-heavy post)

standing!

   

xo