i'll have M's birthday post soon,

if you follow me on instagram or twitter you already know 

that she spent her birthday sick.

poor girl.

she's okay now, but it was a pretty crappy weekend.

i'm officially the mother of a one year old, 

which means i've survived my first year of parenthood.

i feel like this year has made me a completely different person.

here are some things i've learned during my first year of motherhood.

THE LOVE

oh, the love. 

selfless love.

 everyone tells you about the love when you're pregnant and it's all true.

it sounds cliche, but i have never experienced this kind of love.

it's like, every single fiber of my body, every cell, every single piece of me loves Maja so much.

sometimes i feel like i could explode from the love i have for her.

i remember what a surreal and overwhelming moment it was meeting her for the first time.

i loved her so much, but didn't know her.

i've never loved someone before getting to know them.

i had to learn her likes and dislikes, her wants and needs.

and, i've never wanted to give to someone the way i want to give to her.

my love for her is endless.

i thought i loved ivo to the max before we had M.

but, that was nothing compared to the love i have for him now.

our love is even deeper than before.

we made her, we love her, and we love each other for her.

I AM STRONGER THAN I HAVE EVER GIVEN MY SELF CREDIT FOR

anyone who has had their child in the hospital knows how terrible it is.

giving birth to Maja and holding her for the first time was amazing, 

but having her quickly taken away from me was heartbreaking.

knowing that she would also be in the hospital for an unknown amount of time was awful.

being sent home from the hospital without my baby felt so unnatural.

i spent between 18-20 hours in the hospital with her, every day, for 22 days.

i was in protective mama mode.

i didn't want anyone else, besides me, doing anything for her.

i was her mom.

i was there to protect her.

there were endless disagreements with some of the NICU nurses and the Neonatologists. 

i was her mom and you better believe i wasn't about to let any unnecessary interventions take place.

i surprised myself by how strong-willed i was being.

i was proud of myself.

forever i've allowed people to walk all over me,

i hated confrontation (with even close friends) 

and suddenly i'm able to stick up for myself and for my family.

i'm exceptionally proud of that.

I CANNOT DO IT ALL

i wish i could, really.

but, i cannot.

i'm not the person who has a perfectly tidy house

 or dinner waiting on the table when my husband gets home...

i do not have perfectly done hair and makeup.

(heck, i'm usually still in my jammies when Ivo gets home)

i'm not always on top of my work, emails, blogging...

and, ya know what?

i'm okay with that.

i'm a good mom, and maja and ivo are happy.

that's what matters.

I FEEL SO DEEPLY

having a child has tapped into a whole different emotional process for me.

i feel things so deeply.

movies, commercials, the news...

i'm moved to tears more times than i can count.

THINGS CHANGE SO QUICKLY

just as soon as i'm used to a new phase in Maja's life or routine it suddenly changes.

the moments are so fleeting, it's hard to keep up.

it's amazing how quickly they grow and learn.

I'M CONFIDENT IN MY PARENTING

i always imagined that i would be constantly questioning if i was doing it right.

 i don't. maybe i should? but, i don't.

i do exactly what i feel is best, i go with my gut,

and so far so good. ;)

NOTHING IS GROSS WHEN IT COMES TO MAJA

it's so funny, snot and stinky diapers always grossed me out with kids that weren't mine.

but, there is no amount of liquid or body functions that bother me when they come from her.

when she was a newborn and super colicy,

i was staring straight in her face making some ridiculously embarrassing faces

when she suddenly projectile vomited IN MY MOUTH.

i didn't even flinch.

I GET WAY MORE SLEEP THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD

when you're pregnant everyone tells you to get plenty of rest because once the baby comes you won't get any sleep...

i don't find that to be true, for us.

maja has never slept through the night, ever.

she still nurses every 2-3 hours, but we still manage to get 8-9 hours of sleep each night.

neither of us fully wake up, so she eats and we're both back to sleep.

EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT

it really doesn't matter what other people are doing with their kids or what their kids are doing.

each child is different.

each parent is different.

there is no right or wrong way, it's whatever works for each individual.

there shouldn't be any competition.

ivo and i know what's best for us, not anyone else.

yes, everyone has opinions...

but, it doesn't matter.

NOT EVERYONE CARES ABOUT KIDS

it's so easy for me to talk about each new milestone in M's life,

 to oohh and aaahhh about her perfection.

but, some people just aren't into kids.

and, that's okay.

i try to sensor myself when it comes to people who show no interest in kids. ;)

I HAVE NO ROOM IN MY LIFE FOR PETTY BULLSHIT
having Maja and feeling so much love and seeing something so perfect,
has made it SO easy to see things that aren't worthwhile.
i'm able to focus on what's important and to not spend time on things and people
who aren't important in our lives.
it's refreshing.

I WANT MORE KIDS
okay, i knew i always wanted more kids.
but, that feeling has been solidified this past year.
i love being a mom.
i love our little family.
and, i cannot wait to (fingers crossed) add more little ones to our menagerie.

EVERYTHING I DO FOR HER, I ENJOY
it sounds silly.
but, there is no part of being Maja's mom that i don't enjoy doing.
diapers, nursing, bathing, rocking her to sleep, caring for her when she's sick...
all of it.
i do it, with love.

THERE'S NOWHERE ELSE I'D RATHER BE
when i sit and envision the perfect life, this is it.
exactly where i am.
i'm so happy...
i'm doing what i feel i am meant to do.
such a wonderful feeling.


xo

 

one month  

 two months  

three months  

four months 

five months  

six months  

seven months  

eight months  

nine months  

ten months  

eleven months  

twelve months
what an amazing year...